l Miss You but won't Say Shit

For the millionth time today I reach for my phone,

you in my mind,
text at the tip of my tongue,
but I don’t type the words, never touch “send”
Because I don’t want to bother you,
I know we’re “just friends”
but fuck!
If we were in the 50’s I could write you a thousand love poems and be seen as a devoted young love,
Now if I triple text you I feel like a spattered insect, forgotten under the rug,
Slowly rotting next to the weed crumbs we split last weekend,
I want you to reach out to me,
I just don’t want to be a pest,
The last thing I want is for me to squeeze the air from your chest,
Small chubby hands around your chiseled throat,
I don’t want to hurt you, not even a little bit,
I miss you but won’t say shit,
I’m too hard and too proud,
I’m an idiot,
An idiot with mushy feelings and a brick oven heart,
With a brain full of unsaid words,
Hopefully someday my zombie boyfriend will love me for my worth,
But mostly for my brain,
Double entendre baby,
Another funny text I didn’t touch “send”
I want to make you laugh,
I want to make you happy,
But I’m stuck over here missing you
But can’t say anything.


Novi
05.10.15.